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The importance of Counselling |
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Written by Mollie Graneek
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Friday, 17 February 2006 |
Infertility does not come alone. With it comes a whole range of charging emotion including
- Guilt
- Anger
- Frustration
- An overwhelming sense of loss
- Isolation
- Despair
These sadly are only to name but a few.
Infertility represents a major crisis in people's lives. Most
people who experience infertility have an enormous sense of failure -
failure in themselves, their partners and in nature. We all touch
on failure at some stage in our lives so we have an idea of how it
impacts our fundamental understanding of who we are. We are
however, usually well resourced to seek success in other activities
which gives perspective to the ones in which we have
failed. For many couples facing infertility, their sense of
failure becomes who they are. They have failed in the most
elementary physiological and biological exercise in the cycle of life.
We know that people facing fertility problems have the potential to
become anxious and depressed. We also know that depression and
anxiety plays a large part in infertility ie: anxiety and depression
might perpetuate infertility and infertility in turn gives rise to
anxiety and depression.
What then can we do about it?
Well, we know that there are many clinical techniques in place that can
assist conception in the hope of achieving pregnancy but, what of the
emotional issues? You would not expect a receptionist to perform
the highly skilled duty of a fertility specialist - neither should you
expect her to undertake the emotional and psychological support of
clients experiencing infertility.
Counselling is at times much maligned - it is a service which, until
recently, had little credence as an evidence base science.
Counsellors are however highly trained individuals who are sympathetic
and empathic listeners. Specialist fertility counsellors have a
wealth of knowledge about the psychological and social impact of
infertility. People undertaking fertility treatment have a need
to know that their experience is similar to other people's experience
but, paradoxically, unique to them. Knowing this, they feel less
isolated and more accepting of their own experience. It is vital
that clients experiencing fertility treatment are kept well
informed. This gives them a sense of control over their
experience and, when educated to the potential consequences of
infertility, they are more able to prepare themselves for the aftermath
and in turn, better equipped to cope.
The ordeal of infertility takes place in the context of a demanding
world. Most of us have extremely busy working lives which are,
often compounded by busy social lives. Managing infertility in
general responds well to slowing down and respecting the extra burden
it brings. A loss of perspective and 'loss of control' is
something which clients often express when they come to clinics for
treatment. Counselling can help to bring perspective back into
the lives of infertile people by giving them permission to stay with
their experience. While clients cannot necessarily control their
infertility, they can control their experience of it. It is
important that the experience of infertility is recognized and, often,
with the endorsement of that experience by a professional fertility
counsellor, clients feel more understood. With the psychological
and emotional support and, with recognition of the client's unique
experience, they are more able to cope with the punishing regime of
fertility treatment.
Mollie Graneek is a Registered General Nurse and a State Certified
Midwife. She is a BACP Accredited Counsellor and has worked in
the field of fertility for 25 years. Mollie is an Executive
Member of the British Infertility Counselling Association (BICA).
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