When you hear people talking about putting their lives on hold it’s usually for their children or career - a choice they have made, but for many couples there is another reason for putting a life on hold, infertility - the difference being that they have no choice.

My life has been on hold now for 15 years.

I left school already in love with the man I wanted to marry, we began our love life using contraception, and we were reckless a couple of times, and thankful not to have got caught, then we moved in together and began to plan our wedding. We didn’t bother with contraception, until my best friend got pregnant. She like us was in a committed relationship. Suddenly what we were doing was real and scary – we could make a baby. But we carried on, innocent to what lay ahead.

We were on low income but we both enjoyed our jobs and time together. We knew we wanted a family straight away and so when asked if we wanted children we always said yes. Over the years we holidayed in England, worried in case we booked to go abroad, saved up and then couldn’t fly because I was pregnant.

I was a care assistant in a nursing home. I planned my training one day, but thought it was pointless if we were trying for a baby. Study, be pregnant and on low income – no, something had to give. I put my career on hold.

After 7 years, and following a failed IVF cycle and a miscarriage, I was jolted into seeing the life I was wasting. I could have done my training twice over since I had first thought about it. I made a plan - get a job in the hospital as a carer with a better income; do my NVQ training levels 2 and 3; and then, if I was still not pregnant, I would go and do my training.
We used the money from our failed IVF to buy a house. New house, new job… Still no new baby!

We needed a holiday so tossed a coin, Florida “v” IVF. The holiday won and we had a fantastic time.

A second holiday to Florida a couple of years later was supposed to help us try to conceive naturally but we were both under enormous stress, and a deep dark depression hit me on our return. Another IVF was planned, undertaken and failed.

By now I had almost completed my NVQ level 3 when my period was late - 1 month, 2 months then my period came as it always did. I was crushed. I continued to study and passed my level 3 - time now to do the training.

Then, when my Dad emigrated to Canada, we gave it serious thought. We looked up emigration on the internet, downloaded forms, planned a 3 week holiday to view properties. As a couple, our discussions went round in circles. Now is a good time to do it - no kids, no commitments! We could have a more laid back life! It’s a great place to bring up children! How will we manage a Donor egg ICSI do they do that in Manitoba? What if I get pregnant before hand? Should I do my training first to get a higher score to emigrate?

2 years later and I am still working as a carer in the hospital. I have been there 6 years I am entitled to a good maternity package. I have earned it so why leave now? Do I want to continue my nursing or do I want change careers completely? Who would employ me knowing I need time off for IVF and knowing I am planning to be on maternity leave as soon as possible?

But I have thought this before - again my life is on hold.

Just yesterday someone I work with said “why don’t you do your training with me in September?” I could, but then we plan to have DE ICSI this summer and I may be pregnant when the course starts. So yet again I put my training on hold once more.

I used to tell people one day I will be a nurse.
I will do my training one day even if I am 40 - I want to have my family first.
I did not realise then that I may be 40 when I get my family……

Infertility means you can not plan ahead to far, just in case....... Unless you have a plan B of course!