Christmas can be a time of happiness, festive fun, pressies and excitement. But for some it’s a time of isolation, sadness, yearning for what you haven’t got and in some cases despair.

The break in day to day routines brought about by the festive holiday can place enough of a strain on any relationship, but where Infertility is factored into the equation things can be a whole lot worse!  Christmas is a time when those of us yearning for a child would dearly love to be leaving Father Christmas a mince pie and Rudolph a carrot.   We look on as outsiders as other family members and friends excitedly prepare their own children for the big day.  This can have a huge strain on your relationship, it’s a time when resentment can surface and communication can lapse. Tempers run high when those starting treatment early in the New Year enthusiastically insist their husbands and partners eat their own weight in sprouts (they’re very good for you!  ) and abstain from alcohol whilst all their mates are merrily getting legless so they can be in tip-top shape to ensure the best possible results in the New Year when treatment begins.

Obviously all these well-intentioned sanctions will be futile if you get divorced before the New Years Eve party!   Similarly if you’ve come to the end of the road with your treatment or suffered a loss during the year Christmas can be a very bitter pill to swallow.

Follow the 10 Point Plan

1)  Give yourselves a break from Infertility talk unless you absolutely have to.  So from the day the tree goes up to the day it comes down limit any IF talk to only 5 minutes per day!  Or in true Weight Watchers style you can save up your minutes and have one 35 minute chat a week!

2) Remember “a little bit of what you fancy does you good!” All things in moderation, is the moral of this tale.  So if you fancy a couple of glasses of wine or a big piece of cake have it.  So long as your clinic haven’t forbidden it and you don’t get absolutely wasted for the whole 12 nights of Christmas there will be no harm done.

3) Celebrate other people’s children.  If you can, try to enjoy their excitement.

4) Make a big fuss of each other.  Pamper yourselves and each other over the holiday period.  Make nice meals, go on trips out and enjoy spending the time together as the couple you are, not the parents you may one day be.

5)  If you’re struggling to get excited about the pressies, then instead of one big present, buy each other lots of little things and hide them all over the house and do a present treasure hunt!  This will not fail to get you into the festive spirit. 

6) Talk!  If you’re feeling low over Christmas use the support of Fertility Friends to share your feelings with others that understand you.  Don’t bottle it up or ruin your Christmas as a couple by dragging each other down.  Get those fingers typing!

7) Share it with Family or Friends – If the idea of being in the house just the two of you makes you sad, try to get out and enjoy spending time with your extended family or friends.

8) Keep it time-limited.  Remember that even if you hate the festivities they don’t last!  It’s only a short time in the grand scheme of things so try to keep it in perspective.

9) Be more lenient with each other!  Don’t pull your partner up for every little thing they do that makes you cross.  Let things go, remember it’s all these little things that make them the person they are, the person you loved and married!

10) Make a charitable contribution.  Doing something worthwhile always makes you feel good.  So find a scheme collecting presents for disadvantaged children and be a Secret Santa this year!